Lots of Thoughts Today

I have a To Do list that is unusually long. Last night I sat down and wrote up a minute-by-minute plan of my day today in order to fit in as much as possible. Then this morning started with one kid puking and Charity waking up hardly able to breathe. Celeste and Eden are home from school today with the stomach yuckies. I took Charity in to the Doc first thing and she's got croup. I've never had a kid get croup before and I was surprised that she could seem perfectly healthy yesterday and wake up in this scary condition today. I cried in the doctors office. I hate to see my babies suffer. But he gave her a steroid shot and assured me she should be improving within a few hours. I'm currently on the couch now with her on my chest in a deep, wheezing sleep. Man, I love these children so much and it's interesting how all those things on my stupid To Do list now seem a lot less important.
I feel like talking to someone, but I don't want to wake Charity here. So I thought I'd open my handy dandy netbook and blog a bit.

Things on my mind lately...

Mom and Wife
I feel so blessed. I really really do! I can't believe how lucky I am to be married to Steven Bishop. He is so good to me. He is such a wonderful father and husband. He is such a great friend to me. He is so smart. He has always been so good at providing for our family. The other day he wasn't feeling too well and said "I wish I didn't have to go to work today." I was surprised to hear him say that because he has never ever ever complained about having to be the breadwinner of our family. He just does it. I have taken that for granted at times. But most of all, I am so thankful for how good he is. He is the epitome of a person with a good, kind, clean, honest character. Love him so much!
I love our kids like crazy too. I feel so grateful to be their mom. I feel like this is what I was born to do. Being a mom rocks. I love spending time with them. I love snuggling with them. I love meaningful conversations we have together. I love to teach them. I love how they teach me too. I love to be friends with them.
Being a wife and mother has brought me more joy and satisfaction than I had ever dreamed possible. And I hope that my kids will grow up to be of great value to their communities and this world. I think they will.

Friends
I am really grateful for good friends. I don't have a whole lot of them. But I don' t think I could get by without them. A good friend is someone that even after knowing your darkest side, still loves and accepts you. A good friend respects you and you don't feel judged by. A good friend makes you feel comfortable with who you are. To my good friends out there, I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. I know I've got issues and I'm glad you love me anyways.

Our upcoming trip
I can't believe it's just 16 days away! Time has flown by! I am so incredibly busy lately. It's gotten to where I find myself with often pressure in my chest and racing of the heart because I'm worried about getting things done. My calling is so demanding and this is the first time in my life that I am worried I really can't handle my calling well enough, but at the same time I am not willing to tell the Bishop because I really don't want to be released. It is my dream to get to go to Girls Camp with my little girl this Summer and so I am just praying I can at least stay in until then. I'm doing the very best that I can.
I have so many emotions and thoughts attached to our upcoming trip. Some rational, some not so much. Here are some of my sources of worry and excitement in order of what gives me the most of that emotion.
Worry:
*I'm worried about leaving my kids behind while we are gone for 9 days! We've left them before but the longest was for 4 days and we haven't left Charity before. I am mostly worried about her. She is so spoiled. She gets held and snuggled and loved on all day every day and I worry that she will be in total shock when we go. It makes me sad to think about. I had wanted to take her with us, but it's more dangerous to bring her than to leave her. Plus a lot of money.
*I'm worried that something will go wrong with the court hearing. This can happen in many different ways. Some distant relative could theoretically show up and say they want to dispute the adoption, some paperwork could be missing or inadequate, who knows. But scary scary to me.
*I'm worried that our kids wont like us. Since we are adopting older children I think this is different than from people that are adopting babies. Our children are old enough to where they have had plenty of trauma and worry in their lives and this can possibly be a hard thing to have some strange couple show up who is so different and be in love with them already! The orphanage has told us more than once that these kids are excited about our family and being adopted. They love reading their books I made them. But you never know what could happen. It feels like a first date to me. I want to make sure I look my best for them. I want to make the best impression. I want to do anything and everything I can to help them feel comfortable and happy about coming to our family. The whole thing makes me nervous.
*I'm worried about not getting all the preparations done in time for our trip. There is so much to do to get things here ready and things for the trip ready. I need several days time to devote to getting that all done and I don't know where that time will come from.
*I'm worried about all the unknown. How the heck do you travel internationally? We've never even had passports before. Where do we go? How do we communicate with people? Will I be able to communicate with my kids back home? Getting around, language, culture, crime, rules and regulations, disease, eating the food, all these kinds of things are concerning.

Sources of excitement:
*I'm most of all excited to meet our children! I want to cry just thinking about it and I often do. I can't wait to hug them. I can't wait to tell them in person I love them. I can't wait to be their mom. I can't wait to let them see what a family with a healthy and active mom and dad is like. I can't wait for them to see a life that is not just about survival, but a lot of other wonderful things. I can't wait to get better photos of them. I can't wait to give them a few things. I can't wait for all of that!
*I am looking forward to meeting the friends we've made in this journey. There are a couple of women I have come to love that are also adopting. These two ladies are amazing!!! I am so excited that both of them will actually be there while we are there! It's funny that when we meet in person at last it will be in Ethiopia.
*I am looking forward to getting out of this horrible miserable Winter weather! I hate Winter. I hate being cold. I hate the gloom outside. It's going to be probably highs in the 70's while we are there. That is perfection. Can't wait for that.
*I am looking forward to having 9 days with my sweetheart. It's not just gonna be a kind of mini-moon. It's gonna be an adventure together. Possibly our greatest adventure we'll ever have. So excited for that.
*I am looking forward to the experience of something totally new. I hope to learn and grow a lot from all we are able to see and do.
*I am looking forward to getting a bit of a break from all the normal responsibilities that load my plate here at home. Love all that stuff. But every now and then a mom needs a break from being a homemaker and all the other stuff that I am involved in.

Miracles
Lately I have been a personal witness to several miracles. I wish I could write about them in detail here, but I can't. I just want to say that it's totally strengthened my testimony of God. Not just that there is a God, but that He really and truly is involved in our lives. He really hears prayers. He really answers them, through good people here on this earth. So many miracles are happening all the time and I am thankful I have been able to witness a few of those.