Becca

I was going over our blog here and realizing that Becca has had too little of the limelight.  I decided I needed to do a post just about her.  I want to really talk a lot about her because unfortunately, she has kind of suffered from middle child syndrome.  And that needs to be repaired.
She is the type of child that is easy to direct and gives me the least stress.  She asks for so very little all the time and is unselfish and considerate.  She also likes to spend a lot of time in her room reading.  So sometimes it is easy to forget her.  Becca is such a good girl.  She has a lot of interesting things about her personality, yet she is so introverted, that it is hard for most people to get to know her. She has tender feelings and so in her head all the time, that people are often trying to figure out what is going with her.  She's often misunderstood.  I want to write about those interesting things about her.  The good and the bad. 
Becca was born with a very real unique personality.   And I believe that a lot of things about her came because that is just her, not because of her environment.
She has been introverted and incredibly reflective and thoughtful about herself and the world around her since she was very little.  She thinks/worries/reflects/analyses a lot.  A lot more than the average child.  One thing that we have been surprised by is her intense concern over equality for women.  It surprises us because that hasn't ever been an issue that either Steve or I, or anyone close to us has ever been concerned with.  We are traditional in our gender roles.  And I have always enjoyed and appreciated the traditional way I have lived my role as mother and wife.  She gets really upset when she perceives people as seeing women as inferior to men.  She is cute and dainty like most girls would like to be, and willing to dress up when needed, but she's never been girly in nature.  She hates wearing dresses, has never been into dolls and makeup and dress-up and so on.  The whole "Princess" culture that little girls have been into has always been almost revolting to her.  She wishes she could be good at sports and wants to try, but gets really frustrated because she is just not good at them.  When she was preparing to get baptized just before she turned 8, Steve and I were discussing if Steve should perform all the ordinances or if he should do one and a grandfather do the other.  Becca with absolute certainly says "I want mom to baptize me!"  We laughed so hard.  Obviously I did not baptize her.  Since then, she has asked me over and over again why women cannot have the Priesthood.  And I have had to do a lot of thinking and explaining to help her feel better about it.  The Priesthood has never been something I wish I could have.  Not to diminish it, I just never wanted it.  So it was difficult for me to act with much sympathy when she would get upset about it.  As she has gotten older, the issue has gotten more and more upsetting to her.  Why are only men Prophets?  Why are men mostly talked about and revered in the scriptures?   Etc... And no answer seems to satisfy her. We are trying to be more sympathetic of her feelings about this matter. 
Becca also is very much a perfectionist.  I would also classify it as OCD, if I might venture.  This part of her I can actually relate to somewhat.  It started out being an issue with germs and her wanting to wash her hands all the time.  For quite some time(maybe years,) she use to have red and raw hands from too frequent washing.  I finally got her to not obsess about it.   But her obsession has moved to many other things.  I would say her two biggest obsessions in the past couple of years has been her grades and her spiritual worthiness.  She works so hard in school and will not be happy with anything less than an A.  Getting a B is devastating to her.  Anything less than a B would be the end of the world as we know it.  I have recently been trying to get her to change her thinking about her schoolwork.  She would just get so upset at the thought of maybe not getting an A or missing a homework assignment that I wanted her to relax a little and enjoy her life more. I wanted her to see that it is good to do your best, but not at the expense of your sanity.  And I wanted her to see that even if she failed one class or test, it would not be the end of the world.  She is slowly starting to let herself be ok with not always being perfect in her academics.  I have children that are terrible students despite their brilliance and I am constantly pushing for them to do better. Then I have Becca who I have to push to do worse.  It's strange!
The other area of obsession for her has been her desire to be perfect.  She never wants to lie, steal, cheat, be unkind, or do ANYTHING wrong.  And she has done a very good job of doing just that.  If she does something that she feels is not perfect behavior, she will come to me very sad and worried about what she had done and asking for a punishment.  Many times in tears.  I can always count on her to tell me the truth and to do as I ask her.  I can always count on her coming forward if she did something wrong and to try and make it right.  The problem with this, is she really tears herself down about not being perfect.  She lives in almost constant stress and worry over it.  I appreciate her goodness and have a lot of love and respect for her for it.  But I worry that her stress, worry and fear about being good, are causing a glaring lack of happiness in her life. It is a tough balance.  It makes parenting difficult because I find myself trying to comfort her when she messes up, on one hand, and trying to punish another child when they mess up because they did it intentionally and wanted to get away with it.  Parenting is hard people!
Overall, I have to say that we are so thankful to have Becca as our daughter.  She is so amazing and so special and we are excited to see who she turns out to be and what she does with her life.