I've been thinking a lot lately about my life. The other night I was thinking about my old dancing days a few years back. My life was kind of consumed with it. I owned my own little dance studio, I taught and I danced a little at Ballet Idaho too. Choreographing for people was a bit of a thrill for me as well. Especially when you see a piece of yours being performed on stage and the praise and awards your dancers get. And now the whole thing seems so strange to me. I will always have a special spot in my heart for dance in general, but honestly I don't miss it at all. Occasionally I will do a leap or a spin just out of the blue around the house. But I think that will be the extent of my dancing career from here on out. Not to mention I don't know if my body would ever allow it anyhow.
Then there's all those other random obsessions I've picked up here and there along the way. Like running. Currently after taking 9 months off, and gaining so much weight, I wonder if I'll ever be able to run like I used to either. Do I even want to do another marathon? I'm not so sure anymore. I guess I'd like to, but it's not the same.
Regardless, it doesn't really matter to me now. I feel like a changed person. I don't think I've ever in my life felt more excited about being a mom. And I've been doing it for over 10 years now. I had all these dreams of things I wanted to do and become for so long. Even after becoming a mom I still dreamed of doing those things someday. My mind would take me to the days when the kids were grown and I could...you name it. But now I am so in the moment --This moment. I'm loving it. I want to do this for the rest of my life. I know being the mother of young children couldn't last forever, but I've decided to relish this time. Maybe I made that decision a little too late. However, I'm not looking back - or rather, forward anymore. My kids are my mission in life. And I am so excited about it! This is what I want to be doing the very most. The fact that I've got 5 great kids who bring as much joy to me as they do, is just too good to be true. How did I get so lucky?
7 comments:
Beautiful post...very powerful.
Thanks!
that is so sweet! You have beautiful, smart children and your dedication to them shows!! I really do love talking with Eden and Celeste- your girls are just so grounded and sweet. I hope mine are like that one day!
Good stuff MM, good stuff. I'm so happy for you.
Just keep this post up on your compy screen so you can read it at night when you are up with the baby.
I totally agree and have been feeling like this too. I love where all my kids are and I am so excited to see them grow. It really is so fun! Love you!
I have mixed feelings about this post. I'm happy that you are living in the moment and loving being a mom with a new baby. But it also makes me sad to think of you leaving things like dancing and running in the past. Maybe when all your babies are grown? Anyway, enjoy every minute with your newest baby!
^^I was thinking the same thing as Jespy. I definitely think there needs to be balance, but you need to have time for YOU as well. You are an amazing mother--so dedicated and patient. I really look up to you in that way. I love you and miss you tons.
Jepsy- no worries. It shouldn't be sad at all. The fact that I don't feel an ounce of sadness should be enough to dispell any of those kind of thoughts. If I continue to feel this way for the rest of my life, I know there will be absolutely no regret in my heart for the way I lived my life. I'm just saying for now, my dreams and hopes for how I spend my time have changed. Fulfilling your dreams is what brings that satisfaction. Not so much what those dreams are.
And Emily, you should know me well enough to know that I work towards a correct balance in my life. I get time for myself when needed. I'm not THAT unselfish silly girl.
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