So a couple of weeks ago we were anxiously awaiting our appointment to go in for our ultrasound to find out if our baby was a boy or girl. I actually was so excited I could hardly sleep even days ahead of time!
For a couple of weeks before this appointment I was having a lot of pain and contractions and my nausea was getting worse. I was sent to a high risk doctor to check things out when I was 14 weeks pregnant. That doctor ran an ultrasound and said the baby looked fantastic, so she was not concerned and sent me on my happy way.
But when we went in to the next ultrasound later, paranoid me immediately searched for that lovely little heartbeat flutter. But I didn't see it. The technician kept looking and looking and just didn't say anything. She said to turn on my other side and wait a minute while she went to the other room. When she left, I was upset. I told Steve "I am really scared! I didn't see the heartbeat!" He tried to calm me down until she came back in. She looked some more and said nothing until I finally said to her, "I don't see the heartbeat" at which point she admitted the same. She suggested we go ahead and get with my doctor. We immediately rushed over there. I wont go into detail as to how I was feeling or what was going through my mind during this time. But it was difficult.
Basically we saw the Midwife who did an ultrasound. No heartbeat. She then sent in the high risk doctor who did an ultrasound. No heartbeat. They advised me on what we should do next and sent me home to wait to hear when I am scheduled to come in to the hospital. That evening I got the call and more discussion with the midwife who arranged it all. I had an induction scheduled for the morning, with the anticipation that I will likely have a D&E right after I deliver the baby since placenta's often don't deliver well at this point in a pregnancy that has ended in such a way.
Everyone knows I've been through this before. Last time from start of induction to delivery I think took a couple of days. I did deliver the baby, I hemorrhaged, then I went in for a D&E. The whole process was pretty traumatic. So I was worried about the same type of experience repeating itself. It didn't however. We were so blessed. From start of induction to delivery was only about 14 hours. Blood loss was very minimal. When I delivered our baby, the placenta also delivered all in tact without much struggle. No surgery was needed and I didn't feel too terrible. (Delivery was 12:45 am on Friday September 10th.) Right after the delivery the doctor looked over the baby who she announced was a boy. Then she handed him to me. He looked much like Benjamin did, but probably an inch or two shorter? He had all ten fingers and all ten toes, as tiny as could be. We looked him over and held him for quite a while. They brought us in a very nice crochet blanket for us to wrap him in. We did so with such tenderness, expressed our love and goodbyes, and gave him to the nurses to take away. In the morning I was very anxious to go home because our kids at home were sick with the stomach flu. We stopped on our way home at the mortuary where we picked out a little box for him to be buried in. The burial was scheduled for Monday September 13.
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Elder Bruce R. McConkie said "Nothing is more universal than the resurrection."
and Joseph Smith said "All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful. By the vision of the Almighty I have seen it."
We believe these statements and take great comfort in our faith and sure belief that we will one day be reunited with Benjamin and Isaac.
16 comments:
Amanda you and your family even though we have only met once, but I feel have become good friends online, I hold so dear to me. I am so greatful for your strong testimony.I am SO sory for your loss.
Thanks for the posts, Amanda. It was nice to hear your thoughts on everything that happened. Glad that it went as well as it could for you and that you seem to be doing okay now and keeping yourself busy. I'm surprised that you've decided to clean houses! You are always so busy, anyway! The amount you can accomplish in a day amazes me. We love you guys and continue to keep you in our prayers.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is to lose a baby. I'm glad you were able to hold him for a little while and give him such a wonderful service. I think Isaac is a great name. Lots of hugs and kisses to you.
Amanda,
I can't imagine going through this kind of loss twice. I am so impressed with the amount of faith you and your family have shown in both of these losses. I love you and am happy you are finding ways to stay busy by serving those around you because that is a GREAT way to feel better! You are in our prayers. I love the name Isaac. Very fitting.
Sweet Amanda (and family, of course!),
You are still constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am grateful to have such an amazing role model in my life! It has been truly humbling and faith-building to watch you during the last few weeks.
I love you!
Callie
I was so sad to hear about your loss. You have been in our thoughts and prayers. thanks for posting about it and sharing it with us.
That was beautifully said, Amanda. I remember so clearly the moment I got your message about them not seeing a heartbeat. I was driving down the road by myself and begging the Lord (out loud) to PLEASE not let this happen to my sister again. I have never in my life begged the Lord like I did that day. Ever. I'm so grateful for the gospel that gives us perspective and hope. I'm also grateful for a wonderful sister like you who amazes me more and more every day. I love you more than you know. You probably have no idea how many people you have touched by your example of strength and faith. Thank you for sharing your yourself with us.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this, Amanda. It's beautifully written and the pictures are perfect. I keep thinking of you, wondering how all of you are settling. We love and miss you all and continue to pray for you.
Thanks so much for sharing this even though it must be difficult! I couldn't help but just cry as I read your words....so beautifully said! I am amazed of your strength. I love the story behind the name you chose...so perfect! May you continue to have peace. Love ya!
Wow, so tender. Again I am so sorry for everything that has happened. You are a woman of strength and a great example to me and many others. The story of how you chose his name is so sweet. I hope that things continue to be full of love and peace for you.
So sorry this happened! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you're feeling OK about it.
Ditto all above comments. I'm sorry for you. It was great to see you this last weekend.
Thank you for your support and comfort. We really need it. You guys are great1 (For those of you who don't know me, I'm Amanda's daughter)
Love you!
I love you and I love you little brother for all time and eternity. I can't wait to reunite with you in another life.
I love you and I love you little brother for all time and eternity. I can't wait to reunite with you in another life.
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