Isaac

I'm not quite sure how to write about this, especially as I've tried to avoid getting too personal on our blog. I even thought of going private so that I wouldn't need to worry about what I should and shouldn't say here. So please forgive me if I say too much. I just want to make sure that our family blog does discuss something that is a big deal to us.

So a couple of weeks ago we were anxiously awaiting our appointment to go in for our ultrasound to find out if our baby was a boy or girl. I actually was so excited I could hardly sleep even days ahead of time!
For a couple of weeks before this appointment I was having a lot of pain and contractions and my nausea was getting worse. I was sent to a high risk doctor to check things out when I was 14 weeks pregnant. That doctor ran an ultrasound and said the baby looked fantastic, so she was not concerned and sent me on my happy way.
But when we went in to the next ultrasound later, paranoid me immediately searched for that lovely little heartbeat flutter. But I didn't see it. The technician kept looking and looking and just didn't say anything. She said to turn on my other side and wait a minute while she went to the other room. When she left, I was upset. I told Steve "I am really scared! I didn't see the heartbeat!" He tried to calm me down until she came back in. She looked some more and said nothing until I finally said to her, "I don't see the heartbeat" at which point she admitted the same. She suggested we go ahead and get with my doctor. We immediately rushed over there. I wont go into detail as to how I was feeling or what was going through my mind during this time. But it was difficult.
Basically we saw the Midwife who did an ultrasound. No heartbeat. She then sent in the high risk doctor who did an ultrasound. No heartbeat. They advised me on what we should do next and sent me home to wait to hear when I am scheduled to come in to the hospital. That evening I got the call and more discussion with the midwife who arranged it all. I had an induction scheduled for the morning, with the anticipation that I will likely have a D&E right after I deliver the baby since placenta's often don't deliver well at this point in a pregnancy that has ended in such a way.
Everyone knows I've been through this before. Last time from start of induction to delivery I think took a couple of days. I did deliver the baby, I hemorrhaged, then I went in for a D&E. The whole process was pretty traumatic. So I was worried about the same type of experience repeating itself. It didn't however. We were so blessed. From start of induction to delivery was only about 14 hours. Blood loss was very minimal. When I delivered our baby, the placenta also delivered all in tact without much struggle. No surgery was needed and I didn't feel too terrible. (Delivery was 12:45 am on Friday September 10th.) Right after the delivery the doctor looked over the baby who she announced was a boy. Then she handed him to me. He looked much like Benjamin did, but probably an inch or two shorter? He had all ten fingers and all ten toes, as tiny as could be. We looked him over and held him for quite a while. They brought us in a very nice crochet blanket for us to wrap him in. We did so with such tenderness, expressed our love and goodbyes, and gave him to the nurses to take away. In the morning I was very anxious to go home because our kids at home were sick with the stomach flu. We stopped on our way home at the mortuary where we picked out a little box for him to be buried in. The burial was scheduled for Monday September 13.
He was buried in the beautiful Angel Garden section of the cemetery. The place set aside for babies and small children.

The burial was so nice! The cemetery was beautiful. The weather was perfect.
It was just our little family there along with the people from the mortuary. We did a quick little service where we prayed, I spoke a bit to the kids, we sang a song, and Steve dedicated the grave. The kids each put a little heart by/on his box for him.
This picture turned out poorly because it was on my phone from a distance, but I never want to forget as we were walking back to the car, all the kids were with us except for Celeste who was touching his box and looking like she was praying for him. It was pretty sweet.
In the hospital while I waited those hours in labor, I thought about our baby and what we should name him or her. Surely our child can't be an "it". Our original plan was to name him Samuel if it was a boy and Mariah if it was a girl. That was when the baby was alive. But as I labored I thought of the story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son. He didn't want to and it probably brought him anguish, but he chose to obey. As I thought of this, I felt that we should name our son Isaac because like Abraham, we would be willing to let our son go even though we didn't really want to and it brought us such sorrow to do so. When I asked Steve what he thought of it, he immediately agreed and we felt good about that. So we named him Isaac. I don't pretend or think that we are anything like Abraham who was a great prophet! I only felt like I could in a very very very small way relate. We gave him the middle name of Swenson because Benjamin was given my mother's maiden name and we thought it would be fitting to give Isaac Steve's mother's maiden name.
Elder Bruce R. McConkie said "Nothing is more universal than the resurrection."
and Joseph Smith said "All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful. By the vision of the Almighty I have seen it."
We believe these statements and take great comfort in our faith and sure belief that we will one day be reunited with Benjamin and Isaac.