The Tough Stuff

Our trip to Ethiopia was life altering. There were so many things we saw and felt while we were there, that we will never be the same again. This child's handprint on the wall in our children's orphanage reminds me of what I felt Ethiopia did to my heart. It left something there, something permanent. It's not necessarily pretty, but it's there and there for good.
We didn't get photos of much outside of the orphanage. Mainly because the African Union Summit was happening while we were there. Which meant that there were soldiers with machine guns about every 5 feet on the streets. Our driver advised us not to to take photos while we were out on the streets.

When we first arrived, we were given a ride to our guest house. The utter shock of what I was seeing on the streets was enough to make me tremble and cry. How can I describe it to you? It's times like these I wish I were a great writer. I wish you could envision and understand what is happening on the other side of the world. To millions of people. It's certainly not how God's children were meant to live.

Our first day there we were able to meet the boy our daughter has been sponsoring for the past year and a half. She has earned money month after month, without reminder or pushing. It was something she wanted to do. This boy lives in an apartment with other boys. With her money, he is able to have food, a place to stay and schooling. We send her money to a young man each month who is American and lives there with the sole purpose of taking boys off the streets and making sure they are clothed, fed and cared for. These boys live alone without parents or adults in these apartments.

Our American friend who oversees these boys took us into their apartments. He talked about it being nice. I was looking around and screaming within myself "How can this possibly be considered nice?!" The floors are rough cement. They have these thin pads on the floor for beds. There is basically no furniture. They are dark and cold. "Nice" was not the word I would have used to describe it. But compared to what many people there have, I guess it was. You could tell the boys thought it was nice too. They didn't know we were coming and their apartments were very tidy like they were grateful for their home and respected it. Not something my children back in the states have a grasp on yet.
Whenever we would walk out of the gates of our guest house or the orphanage, we would be mobbed by children. They loved when we would give out our Serving With Smiles bracelets and geckos that the SWS children made back at home. We had brought them to hand out to children in the orphanages. After handing them out at 3 orphanages, we realized we had enough to give to children on the streets as well. Even adults were asking for them. Seriously, a bracelet that any other child here in America would enjoy for maybe 15 minutes, then toss it on the floor along with all their other piles of toys was a true treasure to these children.
This is the "bathroom" the children at our orphanage use. Need I say more?
This is what the back of the orphanage looked like. The back of many homes looked like this. Laundry hung everywhere. We were at a different orphanage one day and they had many ropes with clean clothes hanging on them. Then it began to rain hard. I felt so bad. We all quickly got to work to save all that laundry from getting soiled. I think of myself back at home complaining about all that laundry I have to do. I've got machines that do most of it! What is wrong with me?!
The poverty and suffering in that country is more than I ever could have imagined. I felt like I had been so beyond naive. I felt dirty. I felt disgusted with myself. Our second day there Steve and I had a total breakdown. It was so hard for us to be in that environment and witness so much suffering. We couldn't understand how the world could get so upside down. Why do we in America have so much and these people so little. It certainly didn't seem due to any worthiness on our part. These people seemed so good. So kind. So grateful. Not the complaining type at all.
A few scriptures and stories came to mind.
"Where much is given much is required." This is a test for those that have been given comforts, will they give? Will they help? Will they care? We will be held accountable for everything we have. We will have to one day account for what we did with our health, our money, our time, our blessings. I think thus far in my life, I have failed. Miserably. It was a rude awakening. A painful realization for sure.
We felt overwhelmed. What should we do to help? What can we do? How much? Another scripture came to mind. “Whosoever shall find his life shall lose it and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake, shall find it.” I realized that even though I have lived an ok life up until now, all I've really done most of the time is taken care of myself and those that I care about around me. I need to do more. I need to look beyond that and reach out and lift as many people in need that I can. If I don't do that, my life has lost a great deal of meaning and purpose. Of course I am going to continue to take care of those I love, but I can do more for others.

As I got overwhelmed,
I thought of the story of Jesus feeding the 5000. Jesus was poor. He was in need himself. But here he was seeing a great need; 5000 hungry people. He had hardly enough to care for himself and possibly his close friends with him, and yet he was mindful of the great need all around him. He didn't shake it off and say "Well, I only have enough for me and my family. Wish I could help. Sorry!" Reasonably he could have just fallen on his knees and begged God to make him rich, or give him more so that he can help these people. He didn't do that either. He actually knelt down and took what he had, which was so little and he thanked God for it. Then he gave it all away. All of it. Guess what? You know the story... It fed them all. It was enough and then some. I felt like if I could have a little more faith and give just a little more than I have been giving, then maybe I can see similar miracles in my life. Maybe it will go further than if I am holding back and worrying about myself and my family too much.
I mean, I pay more for my monthly phone bill than most of these people earn in an entire month! Surely I can do ok with used clothes, or clothes that are not so fashionable. Surely I can get by with off-brands of Mac n Cheese and paper plates. There's got to be a little more I can live without so that someone else can have what they desperately need.

Another thing came to mind. We are taught in the scriptures that everyone has been given spiritual gifts or talents. Everyone has them. As I watched these people in Ethiopia it was clear to me what many of them were given as a gift.
Strength.
If someone in America was suffering the way many of these people suffer, they would be in shock. They would be featured on the evening news. There would be fund raisers and 5k races and charity events. And yet, that suffering is the norm in Africa and not much is happening to help them. It's just so hard to swallow.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping. I went through those aisles and realized how crazy it all was. Here I am able to make a quick drive to a store. This store is large and it's filled with food. I can pick up a cart. A cart that I never really thought was a big deal to fill each shopping trip. I can go through all the aisles and I can put whatever I want in this cart. Then I can pay for it without a great deal of stress and worry. I realized this is something entirely foreign to Ethiopians. It made me sick. I got about half of what I'm used to getting and I still felt guilty.

I don't know exactly where to go from here and what exactly I should do as a result of what I've seen and learned. But I hope and pray I will not forget and go back to how I used to be.

Happier post next time. Promise.