Challenges

The first 9 weeks of Andy and Hana being here were awesome. Better than we ever imagined. Then suddenly something happened with Andy. It wasn't all the time, but he started to have these terrible, miserable, nightmarish, scary tantrums. The first time it happened, I was so scared. But after talking to some people that have experienced this kind of thing, and looking in to the situation further, we came to realize that his behavior wasn't just fairly typical, but basically to be expected. Here's how it was explained to us in the briefest way I can explain:
Andy has lived a very traumatic life. He was born into deplorable poverty. He was loved by his family and he loved them back. But just at the age where he can begin to comprehend life and remember things, he witnesses the illness and death of both of his parents. At a young age, he loses the people he is attached to and who cared for him. In comes his teenage brother who previously hadn't even lived with the family, to care for him. This brother isn't necessarily mature or affectionate like a biological primary caregiver would be. He can't handle the pressure. What else could you expect from a teenage boy? It's a situation many adults would not be able to really handle. Andy attaches to him and trusts him. Then one day this brother tells him he will be taking him to the zoo, and instead of the zoo, he leaves him at an orphanage. He loses the next person he loves and has attached to and depended on. At this orphanage he lives for a few years where nobody there truly loves him as a biological caregiver would normally do. Then Steve and I come along and take him home to join our family. He likes it here. He enjoys his comforts. But soon, he starts to love and attach to us. Which at that moment, this child who has lost everyone he has ever attached to and loved, gets terrified. Will he lose these people too? In fear that he will, he pushes us away and tries to emotionally protect himself by not attaching to us as well.
When a child goes through something very traumatic, they can sometimes be stuck at that level of emotional maturity they were at when the trauma hit. For instance, if at the age of 4 a child witnesses the death of their parents, they can emotionally stay at the age of 4 despite their physical growth, until they can fully heal from that experience in a proper manner. This seems true for Andy.
Not to mention he has probably not had consistent and proper discipline at all in his life. We went through tantrum phases with all of our children. But they had years with us to learn gradually how to live as a family and what is proper and good, and what isn't. Andy has all that to learn now at the age of 9.
He has had 6 very unpleasant episodes in the last few weeks. But Steve and I have come to understand this child so much better and have been able to learn to handle and work with him. Andy has gotten better. He still has a lot to learn though. It's been a growing experience for all of us. We've grown closer to him and our love and determination to dedicate ourselves to helping him learn and grow and live a happy, successful life has increased tremendously. And the last several days we've seen a significant change in him that has been so encouraging and touching to see. He's had some bad days, but on his good days, he has more than made up for the bad stuff. He's a total sweetheart. I don't want to sound arrogant here, but I know he loves us. He is showing us he loves us. It's very sweet. When we go places, he wants to hold my hand. He wants to sit by me or Steve at church or other places we go. He loves just being near us, talking with us, being held and told he is loved and wanted. He wants to please us. He feels loved and he is letting himself open up to being loved and loving people back. It's a beautiful thing to see. I'm sure the challenges are not over with this boy, but I am sure he will be fine. I am sure he is very special and he has much he is destined to do in his life. We love him so very much!

Below is a little something Andy made for me for my birthday. I treasure it. I think it's meant to say "Happy home" not "Happy bome" :)