I have been watching American Idol since Season 3, (Fantasia.) I love this show! This season has been great hasn't it? I have liked most of the top 12. Hated Amanda Overmeyer, but the rest I liked. My favorites are David Cook and David Archuleta though. I've said for weeks that it will be the two of them in the finale. I can't say which will win. But they are both fantastic! And Brooke is such a nice person you can't help but want her to do well. Last week was Andrew Lloyd Weber week. I really like a lot of his music so I enjoyed it. My favorite was David Archuleta's rendition of "Think of Me" which I've posted thoughtfully for you to enjoy as well!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
More Memories
I was able to go to a private viewing of a rehearsal for a new contemporary ballet company in town called The Trey McIntyre Project. SUPER AWESOME!!! Steve has a co-worker who's wife is their fund raising director and I got the hook-up. It got me thinking about old dance days.
This photo is of me at age 10 I believe. It was me in our living room in my costume for the ballet "Aladdin". It was my first ballet. It was a blast! My big sister Anna was in it with me. It was great getting to dance with her. I started taking ballet lessons at Bakersfield Ballet Theatre when I was 9 or 10. I enjoyed it so very much. I worked so hard. I was put in a beginning ballet class at first and practiced and pushed myself like crazy. The owner and director kept moving me up in levels until I was with advanced dancers and dancing on pointe at age 10. Growing up, I loved dancing more than doing anything else. The best part of ballet was performing on stage. I loved the acting in the ballets and being in front of large, live audiences. I also did jazz, modern and tap. But ballet was my niche.
Below is a picture of me at age 13 in a costume for "The Nutcracker". I performed in this show for 5 years. Some of the best memories ever!!!!
Below are a few photos of me from 3 years ago. I was asked to perform at a Relief Society function and told them I couldn't do it, but that I would display photos instead. So I had this fun photo shoot with some photographers who had two daughters who were students of mine. It was fun playing around and trying all kinds of poses. All of these photos are looking pretty sad because they are just scanned. But you get the idea.
Leaping. I loved leaps and turns the best. 
This photo was me trying to be a contemporary cool, muscle woman. Didn't quite work out that way, but still fun!
I do miss dancing now. I gained about 20 lbs a while back and have been too embarrassed to get myself to class since then. I have struggled getting the weight off! Excuses, excuses. Now I feel like I've lost all flexibility and strength. Every now and then I do have dreams of dancing though. As in sleeping dreams. I dream I am spinning on pointe and I just keep going and going and after about 20 spins in one step, I decide that I will casually, end with a pose.
This photo is of me at age 10 I believe. It was me in our living room in my costume for the ballet "Aladdin". It was my first ballet. It was a blast! My big sister Anna was in it with me. It was great getting to dance with her. I started taking ballet lessons at Bakersfield Ballet Theatre when I was 9 or 10. I enjoyed it so very much. I worked so hard. I was put in a beginning ballet class at first and practiced and pushed myself like crazy. The owner and director kept moving me up in levels until I was with advanced dancers and dancing on pointe at age 10. Growing up, I loved dancing more than doing anything else. The best part of ballet was performing on stage. I loved the acting in the ballets and being in front of large, live audiences. I also did jazz, modern and tap. But ballet was my niche.
Below is a picture of me at age 13 in a costume for "The Nutcracker". I performed in this show for 5 years. Some of the best memories ever!!!!
Below are a few photos of me from 3 years ago. I was asked to perform at a Relief Society function and told them I couldn't do it, but that I would display photos instead. So I had this fun photo shoot with some photographers who had two daughters who were students of mine. It was fun playing around and trying all kinds of poses. All of these photos are looking pretty sad because they are just scanned. But you get the idea.
Leaping. I loved leaps and turns the best. 
This photo was me trying to be a contemporary cool, muscle woman. Didn't quite work out that way, but still fun!
I do miss dancing now. I gained about 20 lbs a while back and have been too embarrassed to get myself to class since then. I have struggled getting the weight off! Excuses, excuses. Now I feel like I've lost all flexibility and strength. Every now and then I do have dreams of dancing though. As in sleeping dreams. I dream I am spinning on pointe and I just keep going and going and after about 20 spins in one step, I decide that I will casually, end with a pose. Lionel Ritchie - Ballerina Girl
So I remember seeing this music video on TV when I was probably 8 years old. I LOVED it! It's what got me wanting to be a ballerina. I just watched it today for the first time since then and I just had to laugh. I mean, if the ballerina girl was "so lovely" why did he totally ignore her. Very cheezy stuff. But great memories!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Calling all first kiss stories
Lately I've been looking back on my life a lot. I think I want to start sharing stories from my checkered past :) Unload my luggage, and take care of all that dirty laundry so to speak. Just joking. I just feel like talking. Or writing I should say. Here's my first installment and I am calling to all of you to share your first kiss stories. Even if it was with a cousin. Correction. Especially if it was with a cousin! You know who you are. I hope Steve isn't dismayed by this. Graphic content ahead.
My first kiss.
I don't typically count this one, but it deserves an honorable mention. I was in first grade and my boyfriend, Rodney, was a younger man. (Kindergarten). We sat on the bus together. We put our jackets over our heads so nobody could see us. We were still in that phase of thinking "if I can't see them, they can't see me" like in peek-a-boo. Very clever. We kissed. He actually slipped his tongue in my mouth and I remember thinking it felt like licking cold raw meat. I was grossed out by it.
Official First Kiss
I didn't kiss anyone again until I was 17 and a freshman in college. (I had graduated HS a bit early.) His name was Grant and I thought he was pretty cute. We ended up dating pretty seriously after our kiss. I was in his apartment and we were standing close together and he just came in for it. I was freaked out!!!! He had a short crop of facial hair and it was scratchy. I did not know what I was doing and it was very clumsy. To this day I bet Grant remembers me as a bad kisser. Are you out there Grant? Sorry buddy!
My first kiss with Steve
By this time I had kissed too many people. I wont give you the details of the kiss but I will say that my heart was hammering and when it was over, I knew that Steve Bishop truly loved me...even passionately. Wow! That was a very unique and special thing. We were engaged a few days later.
My first kiss.
I don't typically count this one, but it deserves an honorable mention. I was in first grade and my boyfriend, Rodney, was a younger man. (Kindergarten). We sat on the bus together. We put our jackets over our heads so nobody could see us. We were still in that phase of thinking "if I can't see them, they can't see me" like in peek-a-boo. Very clever. We kissed. He actually slipped his tongue in my mouth and I remember thinking it felt like licking cold raw meat. I was grossed out by it.
Official First Kiss
I didn't kiss anyone again until I was 17 and a freshman in college. (I had graduated HS a bit early.) His name was Grant and I thought he was pretty cute. We ended up dating pretty seriously after our kiss. I was in his apartment and we were standing close together and he just came in for it. I was freaked out!!!! He had a short crop of facial hair and it was scratchy. I did not know what I was doing and it was very clumsy. To this day I bet Grant remembers me as a bad kisser. Are you out there Grant? Sorry buddy!
My first kiss with Steve
By this time I had kissed too many people. I wont give you the details of the kiss but I will say that my heart was hammering and when it was over, I knew that Steve Bishop truly loved me...even passionately. Wow! That was a very unique and special thing. We were engaged a few days later.
Monday, April 21, 2008
You're Beautiful
I hear "You're Beautiful" on the radio every now and then, and I get a flood of happy memories. Remember Waites? At Christmas we had our reunion and that was a popular song that was played and competed with on PopStar. I love hearing that song now because it reminds me of that time together. I want all my family and friends to know that I love you so much! You wouldn't know it sometimes because I can be a really crappy sister/sister in-law/cousin/niece/daughter/friend... I rarely pick up the phone and call someone. I'm so awkward on the phone. But I do think about many of you a lot. At times it's daily. I think you are all awesome. I long to be with you. I fantasize even!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Update
Lately, people have started asking me questions about our pregnancy loss. Enough people have asked certain questions, that I decided to post the questions and answers here.
1- Question: "So did they ever figure out why you lost the baby?"
Answer: Not really. The amnio test came back and there was nothing wrong with the baby. Genetically he looked great. However, there were two theories given to me. One was maybe the blood clot I had in my placenta that they saw in the ultrasound weeks before had something to do with it. Or when I delivered Benjamin, the cord was really twisted up and the doctor thought that may have been the cause as well. Who knows. We do know that it wasn't the baby.
2- Question: "How are you feeling now?"
Answer: I was pretty depressed for a few weeks afterwards. Then it got better gradually. It has been over a month since I delivered him now and I am feeling much better than I thought I would be only a month later. I still feel sad about it. But instead of being consumed with sorrow I have tried to throw myself back into life and that has helped. I have been volunteering at the school more, attending the temple often, working madly as Young Womens President, trying to get my house more organized, and training for a 10k race next month, among other things.
3- Question: "When are you going to start trying for another?"
Answer: I can't help but be obsessed with the thought of having another. I have been reading lots of books, researching on the internet and surveying people who have had similar experiences as me, about pregnancy after miscarriage. The doctor told me she wanted me to wait 3 months. But I found that statistically your chances of miscarriage do not go up if you got pregnant a month sooner than that. Plus I have talked to women who were told by their doctors even after a stillborn that they could try again right away. So the opinions on this are all over the place. I've been taking really good care of myself with diet and exercise and taking prenatal supplements as well as iron as the doctor prescribed after losing all that blood. I am doing everything I can to be in good shape with my health to try for another soon. I am hoping that we will be expecting another within the next few months. Hopefully it is God's will too. We'll have to see.
There have been other questions posed to me, but these are the ones that have come up the most. So I'll just leave it at that.
Thanks for being interested and concerned, (if you were of course.)
1- Question: "So did they ever figure out why you lost the baby?"
Answer: Not really. The amnio test came back and there was nothing wrong with the baby. Genetically he looked great. However, there were two theories given to me. One was maybe the blood clot I had in my placenta that they saw in the ultrasound weeks before had something to do with it. Or when I delivered Benjamin, the cord was really twisted up and the doctor thought that may have been the cause as well. Who knows. We do know that it wasn't the baby.
2- Question: "How are you feeling now?"
Answer: I was pretty depressed for a few weeks afterwards. Then it got better gradually. It has been over a month since I delivered him now and I am feeling much better than I thought I would be only a month later. I still feel sad about it. But instead of being consumed with sorrow I have tried to throw myself back into life and that has helped. I have been volunteering at the school more, attending the temple often, working madly as Young Womens President, trying to get my house more organized, and training for a 10k race next month, among other things.
3- Question: "When are you going to start trying for another?"
Answer: I can't help but be obsessed with the thought of having another. I have been reading lots of books, researching on the internet and surveying people who have had similar experiences as me, about pregnancy after miscarriage. The doctor told me she wanted me to wait 3 months. But I found that statistically your chances of miscarriage do not go up if you got pregnant a month sooner than that. Plus I have talked to women who were told by their doctors even after a stillborn that they could try again right away. So the opinions on this are all over the place. I've been taking really good care of myself with diet and exercise and taking prenatal supplements as well as iron as the doctor prescribed after losing all that blood. I am doing everything I can to be in good shape with my health to try for another soon. I am hoping that we will be expecting another within the next few months. Hopefully it is God's will too. We'll have to see.
There have been other questions posed to me, but these are the ones that have come up the most. So I'll just leave it at that.
Thanks for being interested and concerned, (if you were of course.)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
So typical
I went to print something yesterday. It kept saying "load paper" and wouldn't print. I would again "load the paper" and it still wouldn't print. I finally pulled out the drawer to find an animal cracker in the printer. I had to laugh. Only in a household with children. You gotta love 'em!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
A pick-me-up
Somebody showed me this video a long time ago. I decided to post it on my blog because my blog needs a bit of cheer after the last post. Pause my tunes and give this video a look. A minute into it, it gets pretty funny.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The birth of Benjamin
Just as a warning, this is not going to be the happiest post. Most of you know I am sure, about what has happened to us over the past week. But some of you haven't. And some of you are wanting details. Talking about it has not been easy for me, so I haven't talked to many people. But I am perfectly willing to write about it.
As I posted a couple of weeks ago, Steve, my mom and the kids and I all went in for an ultrasound. It was a lot of fun. The baby looked great. The heart rate was about 150 beats/minute. They also told us we were having a boy, which we were thrilled about.
On Sunday night I felt our baby really move in me for the first time. Last Wednesday I went into the doctor for my regular prenatal checkup. She was unable to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. So she got out an ultrasound machine and took a look. After a while I saw her starting to cry. She said she was so sorry but couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. She went and got another doctor to come in and run another ultrasound. The other doctor didn't find anything either. I couldn't really believe it. I was hoping it was a mistake. My doctor just held me as I sobbed in her arms. She wanted me to stay there until Steve could come and get me but I couldn't get a hold of him. So after a while I pulled myself together and left. I went to his work and found him and told him the news. He couldn't believe it. He wanted to take me to another place to do another ultrasound. My doctor was very sweet and was willing to get me another appointment with a different doctor's office who only does ultrasounds. I went in with Steve the next morning to that place and got a third ultrasound. And when they confirmed the death of our baby, Steve had a similar reaction to mine the day prior. I had kind of accepted it overnight but it didn't stop me from sobbing as well. They said the baby had died within the last week. We knew that already of course. They didn't know why it had happened but took a blood test and an amniocentesis. We then went in to my doctor who talked with us about what to do next. She said that as far along as I was, the safest thing for me to do was to deliver the baby. I wasn't having any contractions so she thought that it could take a couple of days for me to deliver. She got me an appointment for that night to be induced. My sweet mom flew up right away which was a great help to us. They gave me something to start the labor Thursday evening. Contractions started soon thereafter. I had contractions all through the night and the next day without any further dilation. After 24 hours of that they decided to give me shots every two hours of something different. So I went through another night of labor. The contractions gradually got more intense and closer together. By 5am Saturday I knew that it wouldn't be long before I'd deliver . It had been 3 nights of little or no sleep and a great deal of heartbreak and I was drained. I started pushing around 6 am, and our baby boy was born at 7am. It was very emotional. He was about 7 inches long. We didn't have him weighed. He was perfectly formed with all ten fingers and toes. Nothing appeared to have been wrong with him. When they handed him to me his arms were folded with one palm facing out and his chin resting on the other hand. He looked like he was sleeping and was so sweet. I held him for a while, and so did Steve and my mom. By this time I had lost so much blood, I had all but passed out. Apparently there were a great deal of blood clots I was passing and they started to worry about me continuing on to deliver the placenta. My mom said that she had been there for the delivery of 5 grandchildren and had never seen so much blood. After 2 hours, I just couldn't do it so they rushed me off to surgery. They put me to sleep for that and so it was not bad at all. I came out of surgery around 11am and felt quite a bit better after that. I was able to leave the hospital at 4:30pm on Saturday. I was anxious to go so I could get some real rest. I was surprised that of all 5 baby deliveries I have had, the one that lasted the longest was the one of my dead baby. I pushed every bit as long and hard and experienced at least as much as pain too. My first night home I wasn't able to sleep I felt so sad about the whole experience. There were reminders everywhere of being pregnant. I had just rearranged my closet to hold all my maternity clothes a few days before. I still had my puke bags handy in pockets of clothes. The first thing Becca said to me when she saw me while she grabbed my belly was “your baby is there?” And she has asked about the baby a few times a day since. The kids all took the news a little different. Jonah's first reaction was tears and “but I wanted a brother!” Then he asked if we could have a funeral. Celeste told me she was working on making a blanket for the baby. Eden said she would pray that the baby would live again. Becca just didn't get it. This whole experience has been quite hard for me, but at the same time, I have felt a great amount of comfort come to me. I know that is because of prayers. Sunday I woke up pretty sore from the delivery the day before. But have felt better since then. Today we buried our baby. We were encouraged to still name him what we had planned on naming him. That is Benjamin Bailey Bishop. We buried him in the baby section at Cloverdale Cemetery. For the burial service we just had the kids, Steve's parents, and my mom there. It was pretty cold, but at least the rain decided to wait for us to be done. He was buried right next to the pond where there is a nice flock of ducks, swans, and geese. The kids liked that. My heart is still aching and I wish more than anything we hadn't lost him. The hospital staff was incredibly compassionate and helpful as well as many family and friends. They sent me home from the hospital with a nice teddy bear who I lovingly named Ben. They didn't want me to leave there empty handed when the other mothers get to bring home their babies. I am ready to move on and am already tired of feeling so sad all the time. But it is hard for me to shake the sorrow. I have already spent the past 3 or 4 months vomiting and struggling with all that comes with being pregnant. I don't look forward to going through that part of it again, but I do hope that after I recover from this, it wont take me too long to have another child.
This was the box he was buried in. So tiny!
As I posted a couple of weeks ago, Steve, my mom and the kids and I all went in for an ultrasound. It was a lot of fun. The baby looked great. The heart rate was about 150 beats/minute. They also told us we were having a boy, which we were thrilled about.
On Sunday night I felt our baby really move in me for the first time. Last Wednesday I went into the doctor for my regular prenatal checkup. She was unable to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. So she got out an ultrasound machine and took a look. After a while I saw her starting to cry. She said she was so sorry but couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. She went and got another doctor to come in and run another ultrasound. The other doctor didn't find anything either. I couldn't really believe it. I was hoping it was a mistake. My doctor just held me as I sobbed in her arms. She wanted me to stay there until Steve could come and get me but I couldn't get a hold of him. So after a while I pulled myself together and left. I went to his work and found him and told him the news. He couldn't believe it. He wanted to take me to another place to do another ultrasound. My doctor was very sweet and was willing to get me another appointment with a different doctor's office who only does ultrasounds. I went in with Steve the next morning to that place and got a third ultrasound. And when they confirmed the death of our baby, Steve had a similar reaction to mine the day prior. I had kind of accepted it overnight but it didn't stop me from sobbing as well. They said the baby had died within the last week. We knew that already of course. They didn't know why it had happened but took a blood test and an amniocentesis. We then went in to my doctor who talked with us about what to do next. She said that as far along as I was, the safest thing for me to do was to deliver the baby. I wasn't having any contractions so she thought that it could take a couple of days for me to deliver. She got me an appointment for that night to be induced. My sweet mom flew up right away which was a great help to us. They gave me something to start the labor Thursday evening. Contractions started soon thereafter. I had contractions all through the night and the next day without any further dilation. After 24 hours of that they decided to give me shots every two hours of something different. So I went through another night of labor. The contractions gradually got more intense and closer together. By 5am Saturday I knew that it wouldn't be long before I'd deliver . It had been 3 nights of little or no sleep and a great deal of heartbreak and I was drained. I started pushing around 6 am, and our baby boy was born at 7am. It was very emotional. He was about 7 inches long. We didn't have him weighed. He was perfectly formed with all ten fingers and toes. Nothing appeared to have been wrong with him. When they handed him to me his arms were folded with one palm facing out and his chin resting on the other hand. He looked like he was sleeping and was so sweet. I held him for a while, and so did Steve and my mom. By this time I had lost so much blood, I had all but passed out. Apparently there were a great deal of blood clots I was passing and they started to worry about me continuing on to deliver the placenta. My mom said that she had been there for the delivery of 5 grandchildren and had never seen so much blood. After 2 hours, I just couldn't do it so they rushed me off to surgery. They put me to sleep for that and so it was not bad at all. I came out of surgery around 11am and felt quite a bit better after that. I was able to leave the hospital at 4:30pm on Saturday. I was anxious to go so I could get some real rest. I was surprised that of all 5 baby deliveries I have had, the one that lasted the longest was the one of my dead baby. I pushed every bit as long and hard and experienced at least as much as pain too. My first night home I wasn't able to sleep I felt so sad about the whole experience. There were reminders everywhere of being pregnant. I had just rearranged my closet to hold all my maternity clothes a few days before. I still had my puke bags handy in pockets of clothes. The first thing Becca said to me when she saw me while she grabbed my belly was “your baby is there?” And she has asked about the baby a few times a day since. The kids all took the news a little different. Jonah's first reaction was tears and “but I wanted a brother!” Then he asked if we could have a funeral. Celeste told me she was working on making a blanket for the baby. Eden said she would pray that the baby would live again. Becca just didn't get it. This whole experience has been quite hard for me, but at the same time, I have felt a great amount of comfort come to me. I know that is because of prayers. Sunday I woke up pretty sore from the delivery the day before. But have felt better since then. Today we buried our baby. We were encouraged to still name him what we had planned on naming him. That is Benjamin Bailey Bishop. We buried him in the baby section at Cloverdale Cemetery. For the burial service we just had the kids, Steve's parents, and my mom there. It was pretty cold, but at least the rain decided to wait for us to be done. He was buried right next to the pond where there is a nice flock of ducks, swans, and geese. The kids liked that. My heart is still aching and I wish more than anything we hadn't lost him. The hospital staff was incredibly compassionate and helpful as well as many family and friends. They sent me home from the hospital with a nice teddy bear who I lovingly named Ben. They didn't want me to leave there empty handed when the other mothers get to bring home their babies. I am ready to move on and am already tired of feeling so sad all the time. But it is hard for me to shake the sorrow. I have already spent the past 3 or 4 months vomiting and struggling with all that comes with being pregnant. I don't look forward to going through that part of it again, but I do hope that after I recover from this, it wont take me too long to have another child.
This was the box he was buried in. So tiny!
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