An Odd Anniversary

*If you are of a different faith, let me explain before you read this story. A "blessing" is when a Priesthood holder places his hands on your head and pronounces certain blessings upon you. Quite similar to Christ in his day. In our church, all worthy men are able to hold this Priesthood. My husband has it among many of my male friends and family.  I have complete faith in the power of the Priesthood.*

It was Conference Sunday last year that I had a life changing experience. I have told very few people about this and hesitate to write about it even a year later. But I believe it's time.
Many people may not get it, believe it or care. I write this for the rest of the people who may take something from my experience or just take interest in the intimate happenings of my life.


I'll have to start from the beginning though.
Growing up I was moody. When High School hit, I imagine I seemed to have exaggerated moodiness. When College came around it got much worse. When I was 18 and living in Philadelphia (very far from home,) I went totally nuts. I was fully psychotic. I've related to many people the funny and scary things that occurred during that experience so I wont repeat it here. I was sent to a psychiatrist by a friend who was caring enough to tell me I needed help. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. That was 13 years ago.


For 11 years I'd been off and on various medications and trying to live as normally as I could. But it was super hard! My emotions could change on a dime and would be so intense and out of control. I had lots of ups and downs, but having Steve as my husband helped settle me more than you could imagine. The depression episodes were ugly. Countless times I wanted to die. I would have an incredible sense of self loathing that would overcome me to the point where I wished I could end it. And it's no secret that I almost accomplished that once. In that case, Steve literally saved my life. I hit rock bottom more times than I can remember.


Ok. So fast forward to a year ago.
I was really depressed. Again.
I was lying on the couch speechless and motionless with sorrow. Steve said he wanted to give me a blessing. Many times I'd been given blessings, but they usually only afforded me much needed peace and comfort temporarily. I had long since given up even the thought of being cured of Bipolar. He placed his hands on my head and gave me an incredible blessing. He told me that I would no longer be afflicted with Bipolar Disorder. I went from lying there limp, both physically and emotionally, to perking right up with shock. When he was done, I looked at him in disbelief and asked him, "Did you really say that I will no longer have bipolar?!" And he said he did, and knew it was true. It soon became evident to me as well that it was true.


You may be wondering how the last year has been for me. I am happy to report that this has been the best year of my life. You got it. The best. Not because the best things happened to me. Although plenty of good things have happened. It's just that I have been able to really feel what it is like to feel normal. Before I always felt like a mess on the inside and tried to appear normal on the outside. I still get emotional, but it's not the same. Before, something very trivial could happen that could propel me to such feelings of despair, that I'd want to die. Or worse, nothing would happen and I would just feel that way. I still can be sad like everyone does at times, but the way I handle it is still in the realm of reason and rationality. This is the first time that I have had a baby and didn't have to get myself going on a nice dose of antidepressants to prevent me from going suicidal with post-partum depression. I didn't have any of that this time around! I've been off all medications for a couple years now and feel better and stronger as time passes. Some may say it was just all in mind. But I know it isn't.

I feel so grateful to God that I was able to have such a blessing and for my husband who gave it to me. It truly was a miracle.