We're having a _______!

So we had an ultrasound and found out what the sex of our next baby is. This is the earliest we have found out the sex before, which is pretty cool. Steve really felt like we were having a boy and I pretty much trusted in that for quite a while. But as the ultrasound approached, I started thinking maybe it was actually a girl. I was bracing myself for it at least.

This next ultrasound image is looking up from under the legs at the bottom. There is a shadow of some kind of blurry things in-between the legs, but they are not connected to that bottom, so don't get confused. It could just be the umbilical cord and placenta.So when the technician said it was a girl, Steve was shocked and I was thinking "figures." I actually felt pretty happy about it and came down with a fit of the giggles for the remainder of the ultrasound. The technician said she was 100% positive it was girl and I think it looked pretty clear too. All our daughters were there and obviously were thrilled to add another to their estrogen legion. But Jonah on the other hand started sobbing. (I don't blame him. He's going to be in the thick of PMS h*** in about 6 years.) It was pretty pathetic. As we were in the waiting area afterwards, Jonah couldn't stop his despairing cry and other people sitting around started feeling sorry for him and trying to console him. Steve and I felt pretty bad for him too.

We all went out to eat at the restaurant of Jonah's choice right after that to try and cheer him up. And he seemed to get used to the idea by the time we had dessert.

I on the other hand had more of a tough time with the idea of another girl the more I thought about it. Steve and I both really thought there was another son for us. It's not that I don't love girls. It's not that I will struggle loving this child. It's not that I wont really enjoy dressing her and so forth. It's not that I'm ungrateful! It's that being pregnant is so hard! It's definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. It's extremely difficult for all of us when I'm pregnant. This pregnancy has been my easiest for sure, but still super hard! And if we are to have another son, well, that would likely mean, I would need to be pregnant again or we'd have to adopt I guess.

But I can say now that today I have felt better about it. Not just better; I even feel excited. Things have settled for me in my mind and I think it's all as God wants. And I know that God knows best for sure. Many people are wondering if that means we are done having kids or not. And I don't know if I know that answer for sure myself yet. It sure would be nice to be done!!! But I don't know if that is what's right yet.

Today is also the day a year ago that I delivered our 2nd baby boy. I admit it still hurts a little to think about it. I still wish he were here and would have made it to my arms alive. I still cry about it occasionally. But on the other hand, I feel like there had to be a good reason for it. A reason that is for our best interest. I don't know what that reason is, but I don't feel the need to know it now either. I will know someday. Either way, I've healed emotionally from that almost entirely. Almost...

So that's about the gist of my personal thoughts and feelings on baby matters.