Pages

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Some pros and cons we've experienced with our adopted kids

Lets start with the cons that we've experienced.
*You're suddenly family with someone you have spent literally maybe a handful of hours with. Live together, eat together, do everything together and you just met. There's a big learning curve as you get to know each other.
*Your former orphan/s need to learn to trust you. This is a painful process for all involved at times. We are so grateful to know that this lesson has definitely been learned by our adopted children now.
*Your former orphan/s need to learn how to live and act like a member of your family. Again, this can be a painful process too. Another lesson we are grateful has been learned.
*This child who has known nothing but deprivation in almost every regard, now has a loving family, a comfortable home, and all the food they need to be healthy and satisfied. They go from nothing- to so much. But then they have to learn that the sky is not the limit. Just because you have food, doesn't mean there's an endless supply of food. Just because you have a car, does not mean we can have 5 cars, all fancy, like another family they might see. Just because we have money, doesn't mean we are filthy rich. Just because we scrimped together enough money to fly to Ethiopia doesn't mean, we can go to Disneyland anytime soon. Just because we love them does not mean we can give them their way all the time. And the list goes on and on and on. We didn't expect this lesson to be an issue at all, but it was. Fortunately, they get this one now too. Big emotional sigh of relief.
*The countless lessons to be learned about appropriate behavior: in a home, at church, at a concert, a movie, in a restaurant, with guests, at school, as an American, as a Christian, as a friend, in someone else's home, and so on. You have no idea how many lessons our children have learned in the last 5 months unless you've actually been through something like this yourselves. This can also be considered a pro, because in many ways it has been fun to witness them learning some of these things.

Some of the pros we have experienced:
*We absolutely adore our new children.
*They make us smile and laugh all the time.
*They are so smart and seeing them learn and grow so rapidly is one of the most remarkable things we've ever witnessed.
*Witnessing their "firsts" are almost more fun than seeing a baby do their "firsts". For instance, their first Halloween was my favorite Halloween I have ever had. Actually, I hate Halloween. But this year, I actually really liked it! And the day Hana brought home her first friend birthday party invitation from school...I smile every time I think about it. She was SO excited! And she burst out, "Mom! Will you call and say 'This is Hana's mom. Hana is coming to the party!' " Their first time swimming, biking, going to a store, a museum, etc. This has probably been one of my most favorite parts of having these children.
*Witnessing their emotional progress (especially Andy's) has been incredibly rewarding. Some may have thought that he had too much baggage and was too old to overcome his issues. But it's not so. He can learn. He has. He is really gonna make something of himself and have a successful, meaningful life. And being a part of that brings me more pride than almost anything else I have ever done in my life.

3 comments:

Alysa . . . . and Reed said...

That's awesome. You're a great mom for them! By the way, thanks for writing this, because I've wondered.

Cristin said...

I love the pros and cons! Tough but rewarding.

Jen said...

I loved reading this! So, good to catch up!!!!!!!! Jen Tate